Taking quiet time to process and reflect on 2021 has been emotional. Until now, I hadn’t given myself space to pause and take in the birds-eye view of the past twelve months.
While navigating the ebbs and flows of chronic illness during this past year, I’ve had the steady presence of a mental shield that kept me from labeling highs and lows as “good” or “bad”, “getting worse” or “getting better”.
However, now that the 2021 chapter is officially closed, I’m able to zoom out with non-judgemental awareness and really begin to process what this year meant for me.
Looking at 2021 in retrospect, I see the first year, in more years than I can remember, that I’m not looking back and thinking to myself, “well, that was one of the hardest years of my life…”.
Instead, I find myself looking back at the joyful moments and the difficult moments with gratitude and awe; I feel my heart soak in the tender truth that this year, finally, held a little bit less pain, and a little bit more ease.
I’m not magically “healed” and all of my symptoms aren’t perfectly managed, but for the first time in a very long time, things didn’t get worse. I have spent years following others’ healing journeys, working on my self-care practices, trying scary treatments, and pushing through pain levels I did not know I could endure – with very little progress to show in improving my physical pain levels on a day-to-day basis.
For me, 2021 was a sunrise just barely cresting over a mountain range. It was moments of a warm glowing promise of a brighter tomorrow. It was dancing every single day (most of the time by myself!) and feeling joy course wildly through my being, in a way I haven’t felt since I was a child. It was inhaling trust, deep into my core, and exhaling some of the fear that has lived in a tight grip around my ribcage during the many years I’ve been stuck in survival mode attempting to manage debilitating pain. It was rewiring my nervous system to move through my moments with less panic.
In a word, 2021 was hope; and I’m hopeful that some of the takeaways I am carrying forward this year can be gentle lanterns to help illuminate some of the dark corners you may experience as you navigate your own healing journey.
Thank you for being here, and for being you. I’m so excited to continue sharing and growing in this space and eternally grateful for your support.
All my love,
I share each step along my road to wellness and healing and hope that in doing so I can inspire you along your own path. Thank you so much for being here.